Women's Money Wisdom

Episode 239: Reducing Overwhelm by Doing Less With Michelle Gauthier

• Melissa Joy, CFP® • Season 4 • Episode 239

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Ever felt like you're drowning in the quest to have it all? 

Join Melissa Joy, CFP®, on this episode of the Women's Money Wisdom Podcast, where she sits down with Michelle Gauthier, a professional life coach and host of Overwhelmed Working Woman. Michelle shares her transformative journey from a high-pressure finance career to a more intentional and balanced life. Together, they explore the societal pressures that often tie self-worth to external achievements and reveal how shifting priorities can lead to a more fulfilling existence. 

Michelle also delves into the art of setting boundaries, highlighting the power of saying no and breaking free from scarcity mentality. You’ll gain practical insights on making deliberate choices, aligning commitments with your lifestyle, and overcoming the fear of regret when making decisions. 

Finally, Melissa and Michelle discuss the intersection of financial planning and life balance, showing how seeking professional guidance can simplify life's complexities. Melissa shares her personal experience of planning a life-changing trip to Europe with her teenagers, thanks to strategic financial planning and mindset shifts. 

Listen and Learn: 

  • How setting boundaries can create space for a more fulfilling life 
  • The impact of scarcity mentality and how to overcome it 
  • Practical strategies for aligning your commitments with your desired lifestyle 
  • How financial planning can contribute to both personal and professional fulfillment  

Resources:  

  • Learn more about Michelle on her website  here  
  • Connect with Michelle on Facebook  
  • Connect with Michelle on LinkedIn 


 

The previous presentation by PEARL PLANNING was intended for general information purposes only. No portion of the presentation serves as the receipt of, or as a substitute for, personalized investment advice from PEARL PLANNING or any other investment professional of your choosing. Different types of investments involve varying degrees of risk, and it should not be assumed that future performance of any specific investment or investment strategy, or any non-investment related or planning services, discussion or content, will be profitable, be suitable for your portfolio or individual situation, or prove successful. Neither PEARL PLANNING’s investment adviser registration status, nor any amount of prior experience or success, should be construed that a certain level of results or satisfaction will be achieved if PEARL PLANNING is engaged, or continues to be engaged, to provide investment advisory services. PEARL PLANNING is neither a law firm nor accounting firm, and no portion of its services should be construed as legal or accounting advice. No portion of the video content should be construed by a client or prospective client as a guarantee that he/she will experience a certain level of results if PEARL PLANNING is engaged, or continues to be engaged, to provide investment advisory services. A copy of PEARL PLANNING’s current written disclosure Brochure discussing our advisory services and fees is available upon request or at https://pearlplan.com/

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Women's Money Wisdom Podcast. I'm Melissa Joy, a certified financial planner and the founder of Pearl Planning. My goal is to help you streamline and organize your finances, navigate big money decisions with confidence and be strategic in order to grow your wealth. As a woman, you work hard for your money and I'm here to help you make the most of it. Now let's get into the show.

Speaker 2:

How do you manage when everything seems like it's too much? Today, we're going to be talking about overwhelm, when things become complicated, when you've always been able to do everything, but now it doesn't feel like you have the time, and we're bringing in an expert life coach who is going to tell us all about it. I'd like you to welcome Michelle Gauthier. She is a professional life coach who helps busy, overwhelmed women create a more calm and intentional life. Michelle is also the host of the podcast Overwhelmed Working Woman. We will make sure to have a link to the podcast in our show notes that I encourage you all to check it out after you listen to this great conversation. Michelle, welcome to the podcast.

Speaker 3:

Hey, thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 2:

Well, I feel like maybe we are recording this episode just for me, but I have a feeling that there are other people listening who have always been, you know, putting their best foot forward, perfect, able to juggle all of the things, and maybe that feels like a lot right now and maybe they're realizing that that doesn't bring them contentment and joy, and so perhaps that's where you step in. But tell me a little bit about how you got into this world of life coaching and you know kind of the mindset work that you do, yeah, sure.

Speaker 3:

So that was like the perfect lead in because that's exactly where I was. So I grew up basically, just, you know, being an, A student and always succeeding at things and working hard, and I got a lot of positive feedback for that. And so what happened is, by the time I was about I don't know I guess I was like late thirties, 40, that all of a sudden I realized I had everything that I thought I ever wanted, Like I had a great career in finance. Actually, I had two kids, I had a nice house and a husband and everything.

Speaker 3:

So from the outside I feel like I was presenting this, like I always picture my Christmas card when I'm thinking of this, like put together, you know, perfect life. And and I just realized I don't feel like, like is this, it? This doesn't feel like enough, but yet it felt like way too much, Like I had way too many things going on, had a hard time letting go of any of them, but yet something big felt like it was missing. So if anyone listening kind of understands what I'm talking about when I describe that, you might be in that same place.

Speaker 2:

I once had a job, a long commute, and you know just like you're describing, all the things were checked off the list. You know I've made partner made the money that I wanted to make, and I had this like kind of aha moment on that long commute Like why doesn't it feel better? Because, you know know, the more I achieved, the less it felt good and then, and the less I knew what was next, that felt like I wanted to go toward. Yes, you see me, and I think women of you know gen x, millennial generation. You know we were told that we could have it all and then, but can we actually do that and have happiness?

Speaker 3:

Yes, exactly, and I think at least I'll speak for myself. I don't know if you were doing this too, but I was essentially outsourcing my enoughness to like my job. So, for example, okay, if I get this promotion, then I'll be enough. I wasn't consciously thinking that I had to do some investigation to find that. Or, um, okay, well, I have one child. Well, I have one child, but when I have two children, will that be enough? And so you just keep going for all these external things to make you feel like enough, but actually they don't really have any impact on our enoughness. I mean, on one hand, that's good news, but on the other hand, when you keep looking to that, like you said, you made partner, I'm sure you thought once I make partner, my life's going to be amazing. And then it doesn't feel good and you're like wait now, what am I supposed to do with all of this?

Speaker 2:

I feel so much the same way and you know, as a financial planner, when I fast forward people's lives, that that's you know kind of what they, they lean into you end up with. A more of your identity has to do with your profession perhaps, and it can be really difficult in retirement, which many of us seek to know that identity when you've left that profession or career behind. So not only is it, can it cause dissatisfaction or lack of contentment today, but I see the kind of perils over time as well.

Speaker 2:

So I want to unpack. Then what did you do to you know for yourself and now for others to find a different pathway.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, it was interesting because the first thing I tried to do was to do my tried and true method of just doing more. So I was like I may work harder or volunteer at my kid's school or whatever. I kept adding things to the list which was sort of the opposite of what I should have been doing, but that was my go-to strategy. You know, like if you're not doing well in a class, study harder, If you're not getting promoted, work more, you know. So that was sort of my go-to, but that didn't work.

Speaker 3:

So everything is a necessarily yes, but that way to contentment right, yes, and a lot of the women who I work with and this was me for sure it's almost like oh, I can do anything, go ahead, do me more, challenge me. Go ahead, do me more, challenge me, I can pull off anything. And especially because we get feedback women who are like that. People are like you're amazing, I have no idea how you do so many things. And we're like, oh yeah, I could do anything. I'm miserable on the inside. I was just crying in the car but, yeah, exactly, don't mind the mascara running down my face, but I could do anything. So I lucked out. I was listening to a podcast. This was like early on in podcasting too, but I was listening to a podcast and the guest was a life coach, and one of the things that I sort of knew was missing in my life was being in service to other people, which just kept coming up for me Like I'm not helping anyone. And so I heard this life coach talking and I just immediately thought that's it, that's what I'm supposed to do, and it doesn't hurt that my best friend has called me her life coach forever, and some of my coworkers. I mean, I was working in financial services. There was nothing having to do with life coaching, but my coworkers called me their life coach, so I feel like everyone else probably knew that that's what I should be doing.

Speaker 3:

But I heard that podcast. I was totally inspired. I searched best life coach. Martha Beck came up. I don't know if you're familiar with her. She's written lots of bestselling books and she used to have a column in Oprah magazine. That's how I knew who she was. And, uh, she had a training program for how to become a life coach and I just immediately signed up, like within 24 hours, and it was like $7,000. And I am a you know that's not something that I would just immediately spend that much money on, but I just knew it. I knew that it was the right thing to do and sometimes in life you just get that where you're like this is it, this is what I should be doing. So I studied to become a life coach while I still have my corporate job and then over time, I started seeing clients on the side and eventually I just went for it and I quit my job and started my own life coaching business and I've been doing it now for six years. That's amazing.

Speaker 2:

Describe in an engagement what that would look like. So you're very specifically talking to people. I'm assuming not every life coach is coaching you on how to reduce the overwhelm. There may be other problems that people are trying to solve, but in your specific area of focus, what do you? You know kind of? What kind of program do you lay out in order for someone to tackle that beast?

Speaker 3:

Yes, yeah. Well, the thing is I've I've started out trying lots of different things, but over time, as you know, you learn what works best in your own business and what I realized is that women got the best results when we worked together for six months and we meet every week for an hour and then that way you're just continually working on making the changes that you need to make. You have someone to hold you accountable, gives you time in between to practice. So, basically, we'd start out by just understanding where you're feeling overwhelmed and stressed in your life. Most typically, it's the combination of all the things. So you have great jobs and our moms and like really present moms who want to be there a lot with their kids and doing other things in life too, but it's sort of the combination of all of those coming together. So we sort of look at that and then try to unpack where this is coming from.

Speaker 3:

Like for me, that story that I was telling myself of I can do everything came from the fact that I could for a certain part of my life, but it just got to be too much A lot of times.

Speaker 3:

It's kid number two that will like put people over the edge, or maybe like a promotion or something, and so we'll figure out where the idea came from, that you even should try to do everything, and then we start to change the way that we think about it.

Speaker 3:

So, for me, the question that I always ask myself now, when someone asks me if I can do something or like, for example, the gym I belong to, just asked me if I would teach a class on a Saturday, and I asked myself like do I love this idea? I do love the idea of sharing mindfulness with you, know people who I care about, and does it fit into my life Not necessarily my calendar, because my calendar is probably blank on a Saturday, but does it fit into the lifestyle that I'm trying to create, which, for me, is to feel calm and balanced? So before it was like how many things can I say yes to? And now it's like let me intentionally think about the things that I want to bring into my life and decide do I love it and does it fit into the kind of life I'm trying to create? And then I decide if I say yes or no.

Speaker 2:

That's so interesting. I feel like so many people, and I'll speak for myself. You feel like maybe there's a scarcity mentality If I don't say yes to this opportunity, then I won't have another opportunity. What I've learned in the past is, if you set those boundaries, the opportunities sometimes multiply and also you can be more selective about what you choose to yes exactly.

Speaker 3:

It's like and you probably know this if you've been a person who said yes to everything but if you say yes to everything, you're kind of saying yes to nothing. It's like we spread ourselves way too thin. And if you get really specific and create those boundaries for yourself and really intentionally decide where you want to spend your time, I personally believe that the universe always opens up where you're supposed to be or where you're supposed to be spending your time. Like, for example, you might have somebody come to you who's maybe not the best fit for your particular business and you refer them to somebody else, but then a client comes to you where that opening was who's your perfect, most ideal client. So I just feel like that's the way it always works perfect, most ideal client. So I just feel like that's the way it always works. So I work in the middle of the six months we usually get to starting to walk the walk. So we figure out what was the talk going on in your head, what kind of changes you need to make, and then we just practice, like saying no and setting boundaries, and when you do those things, if you've practiced them I'm not sure, melissa, if you have had to practice or if that came naturally to you. But if you have to practice, I definitely practice.

Speaker 3:

Okay my words are very important Okay, okay.

Speaker 3:

So usually people do have to practice, especially women, because we've been taught the opposite, that we just need to say yes. And so I just teach people that that feels really uncomfortable at first and that if you wait for it to feel comfortable, you're never going to do it. So we just learned how to like sit in the discomfort of holding a boundary or saying no or whatever it is, and if you can do that, if you can like sit through that discomfort, then you see the good outcome. On the other side, I always encourage my clients, when they say no to something, to put it on their calendar where that time would have been, so that it pops up and they can get that good feedback of okay, right now I would be having to shower so that I could go to this thing that I didn't want to go to in the first place, and now I'm just going to stay home with my family or whatever it is that's so interesting because I think it's so easy and natural to put something on your calendar three months from now.

Speaker 2:

I think no big deal. It wouldn't get to the week of you're like. Why did I do this to myself? What was I? What was I thinking? You know you don't have a lot of forethought and then you end up living with the regrets, exactly, exactly.

Speaker 3:

Or sometimes people know that they want to say no but they say yes to like buy themselves some time when I call the long no. Like they're saying no but first they're going to say yes and then they're going to be really stressed about it and then eventually they're going to cancel and say no. And I'm like, if you're, what you're worried about is what the other person's going to think. I think saying no is the kinder thing to do just in the first place. If you don't want to do it, just say no.

Speaker 2:

Well, and so much of it too, is not the actual commitment they've made. It's the anticipatory, like negative vibes. Yeah, yourself too. Yeah, and let that be like I should not have done this, like I don't have the time to do the prep or whatever. So I think that that's really important to remember, absolutely.

Speaker 2:

I wanted to ask you, rochelle, thinking about both of us being in a professional services field. We're both in an area where you're giving a lot of information to our broader communities because we want to help, but also, if you choose to hire us, you're making a financial commitment. You're also making a time commitment and you are doing an accountability partner. I find so much in today's day and age that there's so much information out there and there's so much you should do this or that. When it comes to you know, either social media, your community, et cetera. Sometimes people are hesitant or they feel like they could be judged if they make an investment, whether it's for a life coach or a financial planner. What do you think the differences are between someone who listens to your podcast, for example, or reads articles or books in your area of expertise, versus someone who does the one-on-one coaching with you?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I think it's. First of all, I always encourage people, especially if they're hesitant about making the investment, to find what's out there for free Because, like, for example, your podcast and my podcast are out there for free and I do try to give lots of great, actionable information. But it is not the same as having someone sit with you for an hour every week talking specifically just about you, your history, your background. I get to know who people's bosses are and their spouses and all their kids and learn everything about them. I think really similar to probably what you do. You understand where people's priorities are with regards to spending their money and you can advise them specifically on their stuff. So I think it's like to me, when they're in the curiosity phase and realizing that they have a problem or a need that they need to fill, that it's great to find what's out there for free or to read an inexpensive book that they can maybe get for $10.

Speaker 3:

But when you want to make really long lasting I mean I have a financial advisor and I would say the things that she has helped me do, first of all, she has helped me save so much money in so many ways, but also I feel like I'm set up for life, so I definitely, when I was in my 20s, I read a book about how to be good with finances and I applied lots of stuff and I saved money. I feel like I laid a good groundwork for myself. But when I needed something that was like a plan for my entire life, I hire someone, and I think it's the same for this, because if a person who should wants to work with me decides not to, then they're just going to keep doing what they're doing forever and it doesn't feel good because it's stressful and overwhelming. But if you do six months and you feel so much better, then you have the skill going forward to be able to not feel stressed and overwhelmed. You have those tools. So I feel like we're both offering lifelong solutions.

Speaker 2:

I agree with you and I think it's so interesting the parallel. You're describing a point in life where people get to a difficult moment where they can't navigate the complexity of the decisions, your opponent, the complexity of all the needs, all of the requirements, everything that you you know, whether it's self-imposed or you know because you've got kids and they need to get to school and activity, the the ability to navigate both of those things and I think in financial planning there is there are great resources for some of the basics.

Speaker 2:

And then it gets more challenging when you get to the point in time where you're like, okay, I'm maxed out at 401k and there's still some money left over. How do I decide where that money goes to next? And it's more complex because you have college funding plus retirement, plus maybe eat your carrot papmeats, et cetera, et cetera. And so at that point in time it's kind of like being in the cereal aisle where there's not three choices. It's like don't just make an emergency reserve, but you really need some help to navigate and balance. And then you also it can be really helpful in both of our areas of work to work on mindset, because you can have enough and feel like you're not doing well, whether it comes to money or just life.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, exactly Exactly, and I do feel like I talk to my clients about money and I'm sure you're a part-time life coach.

Speaker 2:

Yes, and I'm not trying to be a full-time life coach, I'm not trying to be a full-time therapist. But also, if you're not willing to, you know, explore those, those tangents. Like you know, both of our jobs are trying to try to help with your overall you know well-being, if that's going correctly and if you don't work with someone who's not focused on your well-being and is just focused on the dollars and cents, I would encourage you that there are other people out there that do better for that. Yes, yes, with coaching, if it's just like check this list off and then in your homework, I'm sure that's not, not, yes, exactly.

Speaker 3:

There are a whole variety of people, but I think a good example and this is I may use myself as an example again, but this summer I went on this amazing trip with my kids. I have two teenagers. I'm a single mom. The three of us went on a trip for 16 days to Europe, and being able to do that required financial advising and life coaching, because I'm sure you see this all the time, where your people have the money to do something, but they're hesitant to do it because of something in their mindset.

Speaker 3:

So I truly had to work on both of those things because I thought I don't want to spend the money and then be worrying the whole time. So I really had to work on the mindset of, like, I have this. This has been on my bucket list forever, I really want to do this, and my financial advisor was the one who was like, ok, I'm going to literally send you the money today, you have the money to do this. Like, just do it. Yes, yeah, exactly so it. I feel like there are lots of big things in life Retirement might be another one, getting married or, you know, having a partner in life where there are so many thoughts that go along with the money piece of it that you know. Having both of those things really covered is really important in life.

Speaker 2:

Well, I love that and I can tell you if you're working with the right financial planner. You may assume I know you don't because I can hear you know what your financial planner was telling you. But you might assume out there that the financial planner is kind of cringing and biting their teeth when somebody does a, you know, a big ticket item of all the weighted item. But really we are cheering and celebrating and my team, where you know, sometimes we we have a bell to ring for celebrations, oh, that's it, we need the bell for the client too?

Speaker 3:

Yes, it doesn't. That isn't that like the best part of your job, when you've helped people spend their money in a way that makes their life better. That's so awesome.

Speaker 2:

We love to say yes, absolutely, If you would just give a little more. As we're kind of wrapping up, I would love to just kind of finalize it. You described that time in your life where you were trying to do everything and fulfill all of the external expectations and didn't feel like it was working. What does life beyond the amazing trip to Europe? What does life look like now for you? Where is it different than those days?

Speaker 3:

Oh yeah, everywhere, let's see. So I don't work. I mean, I used to work regular business hours and then put my kids to bed and go back to work. So I don't work. I mean, I used to work regular business hours and then put my kids to bed and go back to work. So I just work a regular old work day, like nine to four most days. I get to do work that is meaningful to me. So I see clients. I see about probably 15, 16 clients in a week and then the other time that I'm working I'm either creating a podcast or writing an article or like somehow sharing. So I feel like I'm just in a constant state of serving other people and trying to help them make their lives better. So it's super satisfying. And then, like, for example, when I went on that trip for two and a half weeks to Europe, I didn't get out my laptop, I didn't do any work. I'm able to have work and then have life separately and the combination of those two is just no longer stressful like it used to be.

Speaker 2:

And did you make, did you reduce some of your commitments when it came to the kids as well, or the outside of life?

Speaker 3:

commitment when it came to the kids as well, or the outside of life, or did you lean in? I think both. For example, one thing, yeah, one thing that I never enjoyed I liked taking my kids to school. Maybe it's because I'm a morning person, I don't know, but I liked taking my kids to school, but I really didn't enjoy the pickup. Like they weren't particularly excited, they were always hungry and tired and it would take me like two hours because they went to two separate schools. Yes, oh my gosh, so that I hired a babysitter who was a family friend, who would pick my kids up and bring them home from school.

Speaker 3:

So I feel like I outsource things that don't really bring me joy. Another thing that I outsource is my laundry. I put that on my front porch right now. I put it out every Tuesday morning and it comes back folded in KonMari style, if you know what that is like the life-changing magic of tidying up book on Wednesday and I just have to put mine away and my kids put theirs away.

Speaker 3:

So things that just don't bring me joy I just don't do anymore. I outsource them wherever possible, which gives me a chance to really lean in on doing things that I want to do with my kids, like something recently I've done with my kids that I really wanted to do is like lay on the couch and watch the Olympics, you know things like that. Just have kind of that chill time to do stuff instead of feeling like, okay, I've got to do this and that I also limit my kids to one activity per season so that we don't have a crazy family schedule. So, yeah, I feel like some of both, some of taking away and some of adding on, but most of what I've added onto is just time, kind of unstructured time spent together with my kids. I don't make dinner as much as I used to like. We all eat, but I don't necessarily sit down and make a dinner. So it's a continual balancing act, but I just always make sure that it feels good.

Speaker 2:

Well, thanks for describing that. I think that more and less need to hear, you know, the different decisions that people make, and some people might choose to lean into their cocaine because that frees them joy, exactly. That's totally okay, and I also think that there is, whether it's, you know, advice to a life coach or a financial planner, there is value to delegating. I once talked to someone who stayed home with kids and they were like, well then, that requires me to do a lot of landscaping, and it's like that doesn't have to be true or the case if you can afford it financially. And so I really think sometimes yes, yes, exactly.

Speaker 3:

It's like, if you can afford it and you don't enjoy it, just free up some time to do things that you do enjoy and you don't enjoy it just free up some time to do things that you do enjoy Absolutely Well.

Speaker 2:

Michelle, where else can people find you in addition to your podcast?

Speaker 3:

Yes, If they go to my website, which is michellegothercom that's M-I-C-H-E-L-L-E-G-A-U-T-H-I-E-Rcom that has a link to everything. So I write an article every week. I have my podcast on there. If you're interested in working with me, I do both group and individual coaching, so there's information about those. I also have a fun why are you overwhelmed? Quiz, and it will tell you what is causing most of your overwhelm and then give you three things that you can do about that. So that's a fun one.

Speaker 2:

People like to take to so intimidating and also fun when you get.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I used to love like the glamour magazine quizzes or whatever. I love that.

Speaker 2:

Well, thank you so much for joining us, Michelle. I appreciate your time and the work that you're doing so valuable. Thank you for sharing.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, yeah, it was awesome to get to know you. I'm so glad to be here, thanks.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for listening to the Women's Money Wisdom Podcast. If you found value in this episode, the best way you can support the podcast is to forward an episode to a friend or leave a review. Go to pearlplancom and the podcast link to get all the resources and links mentioned.

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Melissa Joy, CFP

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